I was woken up buried in pillows and comforters in an apparent attempt to fill the spaces next to me that are empty. I failed. I have like a dozen pillows, 2 down comforters, and a body pillow, plus one of the pillow things that sit up against the headframe. Most pillows are down, and a couple have names. The sheets, douvets, and some pillow cases are high thread count (not silk or satin) because of my stupid body temperature fluctuating. This all sits on a king size down mattress cover that’s about an inch thick with multiple baffles. Oh this better be leading up to something because I can’t recall what started this. Anyway, even with all of this to make my tingling skin feeling weird textures thing, I can not sleep. I totally understand why MJ would beg for meds to knock him out. It’s a vicious cycle between the symptoms caused by lack of restful sleep and those that cause lack of restful sleep. That’s not even counting the stupid dreams and horrible nightmares that happen when I finally go unconscious, that wake me up and leave me in that state of not knowing if it happened or not or if I am still dreaming or not.

Sure enough, I was paying for last night in pain and coordination and would need the cane.

I pulled my shit together and went to the neurologist after taking my morning meds. There was no wait time and I was in a gown in record time and laying down waiting for the next torture which was my legs.

After 20 mins of pin pricks making me bleed, and jolting electrical shocks, he was done and so was I. We discussed comic-con, Tron Legacy, ahnuld in Terminators and Total Recall and how he had a cabana next to his family on maui vacations 2 different summers before he was govenator. Plus how his 1984 Jag mother-of-pearl 1 off paint job had been hit by a very appologetic idiot. This was his collectors edition perfect condition car. Side panel crunched, just sad. Especially if it ends up being totalled. Anything to keep my mind off of the much more painful jolts that my hands had to endure.

Everything looked normal and he’ll look over the MRIs that were taken by my rheumatologist before finally stating that it maybe myopathy or fibromyalgia.

As fucking annoyed I get over this bullshit of seeing the doctors, it’s just getting me closer to finally being able to change a question mark to a period. Sadly it does nothing for me to be able to cope and deal with it, once we’re out of the Not In My Head/Faking bullshit that some people think. The ones I want to beat into a pulp… With my cane… Provided they were like eggs.

Another expensive copayment and put the door we went. Little holes on my legs and feet and I was wearing shorts. Oh yeh I am a junkie… A funky monkey. Elle took me to Stevie B’s which was a refreshing salad pasta pizza buffet place which I enjoyed. The had an arcade room with ms PAC man and galaga, but no wifi made it not a decent place for nerd LAN meets like Panera. Anyway I had salad and a few slices of pizza. Then to DQ for a Blizzard to negate any positive effects. Hey, I was in more pain and I wanted comfort food plus I got to watch the geese at the park while indulging.

Upon the return to home I fell back into bed and took a food coma nap. I was awoken by ups delivering more stuff from Alice.com. If you want more info use the referral link on the side tab since I get a little discount of change. [do this]

I did a rolling package update on Bender in prep of moving the helpdesk to it as well as admin essentials. So hard to keep focused at times.

Elle wants a quiet Saturday night since Sunday everyone is coming over to drink vodka and get shitty. Meat will undoubtedly be sacrificed if I don’t catch the grill on fire. Maybe cigars. Maybe movie. Maybe I’ll drink some of my whiskey. Maybe the weather will cooperate. I still haven’t been in the pool yet. Kinda wondering what my skin will do.

The plants didn’t bloom yet but could be anytime. I did water them and feed Bette. Oh I shaved yesterday and my beard just keeps getting lighter.

I guess I need to stop worrying for those who don’t want me worrying for them. It’s harder than I ever imagined.

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